Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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