She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
