Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
