I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
