Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Text me some of your sweat
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
