i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
