also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
