im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
