I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
