he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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