Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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