Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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