Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
