oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
