Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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