where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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