He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
