Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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