Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
