Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
