i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
