so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
