This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
