3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
