I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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