Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
