You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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