pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
