Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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