need another drink. this is the easiest way
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
