Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
