It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
