can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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