Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
