Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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