My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
