Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
