just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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