capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like a drive thru vagina
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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