Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
