youre lurking in front of me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Who wears a wallet chain?!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
