and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
