Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
