A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I want is dick and wine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
