I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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