Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
