It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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