I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
