Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
