i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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